I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
