i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
