Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
