I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
