He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were destined to go to rehab together
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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