how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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