No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
