Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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