my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
