just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
