she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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