I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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