I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
