i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
