This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
