Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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