He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
