i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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