Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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