The maid of honor just puked.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
