You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I could fuck to npr.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
