okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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