If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
