You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
