you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
