i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he thought i was a dude.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
