Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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