the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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