if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
