The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
