Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
