is your mom at the bar?
I wish I could teleport
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
