Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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