And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how drunk are you?
Several
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
