you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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