All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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