I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
