I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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