When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
