Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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