your parents love me but you hate me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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