my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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