took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
