: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we should paint friendship bongs
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