You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
