Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
