coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
