I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
