I am in a vortex of obligation.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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