I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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