my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
