I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
