We named our party play list daddy issues
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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